This little game had us both in tears the last time I played it…

And the time before that, we were both smiling so much our cheeks hurt…

It’s simple, easy, in-the-moment, and you can play it with your lover, a friend, on a date, or with someone you’ve just met.

Below is a description of the game, an excerpt from our Games Night Manual.
The full version, with lots of other connection-building games, is included for everyone who signs up for the ACL training.

Here it is:


The Noticing Game

Requirements: 2 people

Warning:  You will both likely feel more present, playful, connected, and
perhaps even turned-on after playing this game.

Two people stand directly across from each other, standing or sitting, making
eye contact. One person is A and the other is B.   A goes first.

A: What I notice when I’m with you is…<fill in the blank>

B: Hearing that, what I’m noticing is…<fill in the blank>

A: Hearing that, what I’m noticing is…<fill in the blank>

B: Hearing that, what I’m noticing is…<fill in the blank>

…and so on, alternating back and forth…

…until you’re incapacitated with laughter, tears, or
find yourselves passionately making out…

…or, whenever seems like a good time to stop.  It could be
2 minutes or 20 minutes…  it’s up to you.


You can share ANYTHING you’re noticing inside this structure
of “A” and “B” going back and forth…

The other person’s physical appearance:

     *  ”…the smoothness of your skin”
     *  ”…the way your earrings jingle when you laugh”
     *  “…that you seem to be looking away a lot”
     *  ”…the gap between your front teeth when you smiled just then”

Sensations in your own body:

     *  ”…I’m feeling nervous tension in my chest”
     *  ”…I felt my shoulders relax when you smiled just now”
     *  ”…I’m feeling uncomfortable with this intense eye contact”
     *  ”…I felt giddy and turned-on when you said that”

Thoughts you’re having:

     *  ”…I’m thinking about when we first met”
     *  ”…I’m curious about how you got that scar on your forehead“
     *  ”…I’m wanting to reassure you that I don’t feel offended by your comment”

Emotions you’re feeling:

     *  ”…I’m scared that you’re upset that I pointed out the gap in your teeth”
     *  ”…I’m grateful that we’re getting to have this experience together”
     *  ”…I’m feeling frustrated that you keep breaking eye contact with me”
     *  ”…I’m excited that you noticed my earrings because I made them myself”
     *  ”…I’m feeling warmth in my chest and gratitude for you and for this moment”
     *  ”…I’m having fun playing this game!”


     *  Be willing to take risks.  The more vulnerable, edgy and unfiltered, the more exhilarating and engaging this game becomes.  This includes sharing your nervousness, attraction and even frustration!

     *  Keep it in-the-moment.  Don’t prepare what you might say – let it unfold organically, allow yourself to be surprised by what comes out of your mouth!


Last week I was at a birthday party where each attendee was asked to perform or share something (like a variety show).  I facilitated this game for everyone there…and they loved it.  Some people were deeply moved while others were laughing hysterically…  it’s a great ice breaker!

Make sure to demo it in front of everyone first, then have them all pair up, choose an A and a B, and then run the game.

This is an excerpt of the full-length “Authentic Relating Games Night Manual” —
previously unreleased, and only available for those in the ACL training.

Last day to register, the training has already started!  Register now, here.

Ok, so that’s the game.  Keep this one in your back pocket to spice up a date, a dinner party, or when hanging out with a friend.   Give it a try!

Let me know what you thought of this game in your comments below…